Raindogblue

Asked and Answered

 

At jail, the deputy asked my pinch,

“Do you hold anything in your bra?”

 

The woman responded, “My boobs.”

 

 

 

This Week in Six Notes

 

1. Straight Pipe got his a hearing aid and can hear again. 

2. I had no uses of force. 

3. A woman set the leaves in the waterfront park depot on fire and danced in it in a suicide attempt. I put her on a mental health hold and sent her to the hospital. 

4. A Ukrainian sailor stood on edge of the sidewalk of a major bridge during rush hour waving a gun at traffic as he bounced up and down. The gun was fake. His pockets were filled with paper copies of Franklins, 100 Euros notes, and 500 Hryvnia bills. On the way to jail, he told me he was filming himself in a gansta rap video. I told him he was lucky he was not shot and booked him on a Dis Con.

5. A squirrel found its way into the basement garage of the barn. As we logged on, the auto techs were trying to figure out a way to herd it out. 

6. For Halloween two of the sergeants wore wigs. One went with spikes. The other went with a long mullet.

 

10/28/19

 

Off Beggars’s, on the sidewalk on 2nd, Wight,

Potter, and I walk up on two transients

hidden under a big, blue blanket. 

One is their back with their legs spread.

The other is kneeling between the first

one’s legs. Their head is at the other’s

crotch, bobbing up and down.

This is Officer RD.

Stop the blow job, get dressed,

and come out from under the blanket.

As I run the two for wants, the man,

who'd been on top, told Potter

he’d only been charging his phone.

 

 

 

 

A Pinch

 

Off Second, at an office building, DeDa and I are on an Unwanted. Security asked a mope to leave and he won’t. Under a covered patio, we walk up to the man. He’s sitting, back to the wall.

 

Sir, this is the police. You’re on private property. You’re being asked to go.

 

The mope stares past us.

 

Sir, this is the police. You’re on private property. You need to go.

 

He closes his eyes.

 

I give a sternum rub with the butt of my flashlight to see if he is on the nod.

 

He opens his eyes and says, “Don’t you touch me. “

 

Sir, you are on private property. If you don’t leave, you may be arrested for Criminal Trespass.

 

He says, “I’m just chillin’. You could just leave me alone. “

 

I turn to security.

 

Will you press charges if he refuses to leave?

 

The guard says, “Yes, sir. “

 

I turn back to the mope.

 

This is your last chance. Leave or be arrested for trespassing.

 

He didn’t leave.

 

 

 

First Five

 

 

My first five calls of the night, all in the first 45 minutes of the shift, were all transient related.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Always Bring Jail the Best

 

At jail, my first pinch of the night

yelled, “I’m not a spitter, but

I’m gonna spit on you!”

to the deputies as they

escorted her into an ISO room.

 

 

Decline

 

 

Mary's a problem.

When asked to leave the lobby

of the big bank tower, she punched

the security guard  twice.

 

I picked her up and took her jail.

The next morning, the DA's Offic

e decline the case. Mary was unable

to "aid and assisit" on the charges

she was held for last week.

They assume nothing has changed.

 

 

 

 

Chillin'

 

Out of the barn, first call,

I 'm sent on a man down

off 1st and Trepidation.

On scene, I watch him crawl

on his belly like a caterpillar.

Creeping towards my feet,

he stops and looks up at me.

 

People are concerned

for your welfare. 

Are you okay?

 

"Oh yeah, officer.

I'm just chillin'."

 

He stands up, smiles,

and walks away.  

 

 

 

 

 

Pinch and Decline

 

This morning, the DA's Office sent me an e-mail stating they were declining my graffiti case since the subject has mental health issues, it was his first offense, and I could not objectively prove that writing with Sharpie on the street sign "inconvenienced" the city. 

 

 

Bugs, Crank, and Worms Crawling

 

The radio call said subject suffering from parasites in his testicles.

The subject told me a worm was crawling up his belly trying to kill him.

 

As he tied clothes around his waist trying to stop the imaginary advance,

he refused to get into the ambulance he demanded.

After 30 minutes of trying, we left him there tweaking in the night.