Raindogblue

Blue, then Green

 

 

 

After dropping off a Dis Con at booking, 

the jail deputy offered me a second otter pop. 

 

I said, Thank you but, no. I have to earn those.

 

Two hours later, I walked in with a warrant

and walked out with a green.

 

 

 

 

Jargon: Percussionist

 

 

 

A percussionist is a subject, at jail or detox,

who bangs on the isolation room doors for hours.

 

 

 

Reshuffling.

 

 

One.

 

There's a new Chief. The old one retired today.

 

It will be my seventh, eighth if you include an interim chief.

 

Two.

 

All the old Assistant Chiefs are out. The new Chief is reducing their numbers from four to three.

 

Three. 

 

West has a new commander. He will be the the fifth commander I have had at West in seven years.

 

 

 

Recovery

 

 

In the Alphabet District,

I recover a stolen

 

I call the owner.

 

"This is Mike."

 

Hey Mike, 

this is Officer RD. 

I am standing next 

to your stolen vehicle.

 

"Shut up! Just Shut Up!

 

No sir, 

I really have your car.

 

"Oh, thank you!

I'm sorry!

I didn't mean that."

 

I know sir, it's like 

a Princess Diaries moment.

 

 

 

Devouring the Elephant

 

 

One:

 

The department is down to 333 patrol officers. Per the brass, a minimum of 375 officers are needed to fulfill patrol duties. By October, another 30 officers are scheduled to retire or resign. To help replenish patrol numbers, the department is going to transfer 75 officers from speciality and services units to the street. This includes school police, traffic, and the gang unit.

 

Two: 

 

Earlier in the month, my old home South Precinct was being considered as a homeless shelter. Now, the city is going rent the building to the Sheriff's Office as their temporary headquarters.

 

At Roll Call, the Commander told us, "We have to eat this elephant, one bite at a time."

 

 

 

 

Verbage

 

Off First, I am rousting Omar. 

 

He's wearing an E.T. headed hoody.

 

Omar, any meth  in your pockets?

 

He says, "I don't do that."

 

Really? Last time you had pockets full.

 

Over 3.5 grams.

 

He replies, "That's not me. I'm a crackhead!"

 

Really? That's where going with this. 'I am crackhead, not a crankster.'

 

"Yes!"

 

 

Hat Trick

 

 

Tonight, Straight Pipe recovered a stolen

Honda CRV, a Subaru Loyale, and a Honda Accord.

 

 

 

On 2nd

 

 

At a beef in front of the OP, 

Kirk asks his custody, 

 

"Do you have anything sharp on you?"

 

She barked back, "Only hate!"

 

 

Soaked

 

 

At a DV Beef, I ask the aggressor, "What's up with your pants?"

 

She says, "It's pee. When I yell, I can't control my bladder."

 

 

 

 

Class

 

After removing a series of stolen goods

from the pants under his pants, the thief said to me,

"My bitch bought that for me with her credit card."