Raindogblue

Envy

 

Tonight, I arrested Envy.

It was inked across his throat

in bold, block letters.

He had a trio of wants

bundled together in an FTA.

 

Grump and I knocked on his door,

he said, "Come in."

We did, and snatched him.

 

 

Frosty

 

Congratulations to Frosty.

He made probation today.

 

 

Mopery in the Park

 

Patrolling Kal’s Park near midnight, I spot a mope bedding down. 

He’s drunk.

Cold beer cans lay strewn around him.

I know him. He’s a fighter: the most tasered man in the city.

I hand him an exclusion, tell him to move along.

He looks at me and says, “I’m not taking that,” and turns to pack.

I slip the form into his pocket.

He turns back, grabs the notice, steps forward, throwing it like a baseball at my chest, screaming, “Fuck You!”

He’s two feet away.

I don’t think.

I charge: my left arm set to block, my right set to strike.

Before I can punch, he throws himself on the ground, covers his head with his arms, tucks into a ball, and screams, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I don’t know why I did that! I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I stare down, watch him cower.

The world expands,

I breathe.

 He squeeks, “I don’t know what it is! I get mad. I’m sorry.”

 

It’s an exclusion form. You can’t come back to the park for thirty days.

 

“Only this park?”

 

Yes.

 

“I’ll take it. 

What are you going to do to me?”

 

I’m going to to make sure you pack up and leave the park.

 

“Really? Other cops would have cuffed and stuffed me.

Are you alright? Did I hurt you? I’m sorry.”

 

You didn’t touch me. If you did we’d be having a different conversation. 

Now pack up and leave.

 

September 24, 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At Booking

 

At booking, a custody is in an isolation room screaming.

 

The jail sergeant says to me, “He got peppered sprayed. I saw him touching his face. Then, he went to touch his balls.

 I said, ‘You don’t want to do that.’

He said, ‘Why the fuck not?’

Well, he learned.”

 

The sergeant turned back to the cell and said to the man,

 

“You need to listen to me.”

 

The man screamed, “Why?”

 

“Because I’m going to help you. Listen to me. You need to wash your balls. Take off your  pants, sit down, dip your balls in the toilet bowl, and keep flushing.”

 

The man listened. 

 

He stopped screaming.

 

Then, he yelled, “Aaawhhhhhhh! That feels way better!

Thank you!”

 

From Dispatch

 

"Man down and unchecked in a bus shelter.

The only description is covered in vomit."

 

 

 

My Wife on Court

 

"I don't make any assumptions about court other than it will be inconvientant."

 

A Slow Night

 

Tonight, I responded to two wrecks,

handed out three stickers, transported

one person to the hospital on a hold,

took a graffiti call, issued

one warning on a traffic stop,

and handled two noise complaints.

 

Instinct

 

I saw the snake last week.

A mope slapped my hand

away as I went to take

him into custody.

Before I could breathe,

I had him pinned to the ground.

The beast began to recede

after Grumpy ran up to assist me.

 

 

Flu Shot

 

 

Yesterday, after roll call,

I walked up to the City Nurse,

and said, "Stick me, please."

I never felt the shot.