We're hopping. Everybody is busy. The shift is going call to call and it's still early. Dispatch sends me two districts away to cover an officer, new to the shift, on a man urinating on a car. There's no need to go code. By the time we arrive, the man is no longer on the street.
A young woman flags us down.
She lives next door. She points to her neighbor's house, and says the urinator went down the driveway and behind the house.
Promising to investigate, we walk down the long drive looking for a drunk. Crossing a white picket fence into the backyard, we see no sign of the anything until I come to the french doors on the back side of the house.
Somebody has walked through them.
The doors are locked, and not open. The panes are broken. The trim is shattered. A blood trail leads from the door into the house.
It's a burg in progress. We take the corners, radio for K9 and more cars.
There are none.
We wait.
I have the front of the house, the other officer the rear.
No one comes. The sun begins to set.
Suddenly, I hear shouting, commands growing louder, higher in pitch, from the rear of the house.
Trouble.
I run to the back, down the driveway. At the end, I can see the officer, hand gun draw and pointing in shouting at something beyond the picket fence.
I close the distance and spot a man, naked, drenched in semi-flowing, semi-coagulating blood and sweat. He staggers, moaning, eyes rolled back, arms outstretched. Stepping slowly toward the other officer, reaching out, grasping for the drawn gun.
The officer continues commands as the man advances. I draw my taser, grab the officers belt, and begin backing him out.
The bloody man is intent on the gun.
As the man walks through the gate in the picket fence, I fire. The barbed darts of the taser strike true. On sticks into his left shoulder, the other his right hip. The electricity flows.
The blood soaked man walks on. The voltage should have dropped him, it would you or me, but the bloody man is only slowed.
I don't let the taser count down. I keep the trigger depressed as the man slowly follows our careful retreat down the long drive way. Half way to the street, the man launches at us, misses, falls.
Put your gun away. Glove up. Let's get him in custody. I tell the other officer.
He does.
Taser still on, I try to put on my gloves, but I have a bad pair. My thumb and index finger fit inside, but the rest of the holes are sealed. Thumb and finger are better than an unprotected hand, so I leave glove on.
"Okay, I'll stop," says the bloody man.
I turn the taser off. We move in to cuff, but the man rises.
As I squeeze the taser's trigger, the other officer drive stuns the man with his taser.
There is no effect.
This time the blood soaked man is after me.
The grim procession reaches the front of the house.
The bloody man is no longer contained.
We're going to have to do this the old fashion way, I say to the other officer.
I lay the cycling taser on the ground and tackle the naked man. The other officer jumps into the fray. The blood soaked man is pinned and handcuffed before the taser counts down.
Oh boy! Naked, bloody man wrestling.. but what, no feces?
Do you find that the naked men you encounter are bigger than average? What I mean is, do you ever find small naked men wanting to fight? And why do men outnumber women in the deranged and naked category?
For that matter what kind of primal urge drives the need to strip down and wander about being a menace? Anybody out there want to do a master's thesis on this?
Posted by: h. | May 16, 2008 at 07:25 AM
C'mon, you know there's only ONE way to deal with a Zombie :)
Posted by: Tescrex | May 16, 2008 at 09:54 AM
Where is the bicycle and were you near Burnside?
Posted by: historicpup | May 17, 2008 at 04:48 AM
To answer your questions.
@H
1) Size has nothing to do with the equation. I have fought naked men range from 5'2" and 110 pounds to 6'6" and 300 pounds.
2) This is a guy thing. Women if they strip down, they are more like to be attempting to commit suicide.
3) It would be an excellent topic. Perhaps JGraham can refer his students to this study.
@Pup
1) No bike.
2) Absolutely.
RD
Posted by: RD | May 17, 2008 at 10:53 AM