Raindogblue

I'm an Asshole

 

On a stabbing, on a murder, in the park blocks, crime scene tape up: yellow on the outside, red around the dead, I can hear a coworker shouting. A man has broke the outer perimeter. Shirtless, dressed in a faux zebra print cowboy hat, an unbuttoned, fuzzy leopard print coat, double septum rings, red corduroy pants, and boots, a man is walking on auto-pilot. Too drunk to stand, he's leaned into his walk. 

We intercept, surround him. 

Sir, you can't go this way.

"Why?"

There's a dead man in the park.

"Hunh?"

Somebody was murdered, stabbed to death, you need to go a different way.

"I'm not dead."

Sir, you need to go a different way. There is a homicide. The park is closed. 

"You guys are assholes."

Yes, but you still need to go a different way.

"But, .."

I grab one arm. A new guy grabs the other. We escort him out of the crime scene and aim him the way he needs to go.

"You guys are assholes!'

Sir, you just need to go south on 10th.

We push him forth and send him on his way......

 

 

Ultra

 

On the Eastside, I am covering Gru and 2Bs, on a RVO.

2Bs says, "Yeah, she has a warrant, but we're nice to her because she's ultra crazy."

I look at him and say, "Not, Mega?"

After we grab up the gal, Gru steps out of his FIU and says, "She has an RO, but she's ultra crazy. When she comes to her mother's house, they give her food, money, and a blanket, so what do you think she is going to do?"

 

 

A Talisman

 

WIth Able and Crom on a POH, I ask the hold,

Do you have any weapons, or anything sharp like a knife or a needle?

 

The Hold says, "Left pocket."

 

Crom says, "What is it?"

 

The Hold says, "My pee."

 

Crom removes a vial of urine from the man's pocket. 

 

The Hold says, "I keep it as a lucky talisman."

 

 

 

Dead Dog

 

A man brought his two day old dead dog into the precinct.

He had already been to the precinct earlier in the day, but County Mental Health declined to put a hold on him. 

 

Sir, why did you bring your dead dog into the precinct?

 

"Well, do you know this app: Hornswaggle?"

 

No.

 

"Well, it is allowing people to gang stalk me."

 

So, why did you bring in your dead dog?

 

"Well, do you know this app: Hornswaggle?"

 

No.  What does it have to do with your dead dog?

 

"Well, I believe my dog has been poisoned. It has all of this lesions and I think my dog has been poisoned."

 

Sir, we don't do that here. You need to take your dog to a vet and have them send the animal to State for testing. You have to pay for it.

 

"Okay, but do you know this app..."

 

Sir, you need to remove your dog from the precinct, now.

 

 

In the Square

 

A man sits, rocking himself, on the sidewalk. He called dispatch, stating he is being stalked.

What's going on tonight?

"There's a man. He's dressed in all gold. I've seen him twice. He's using a time machine to stalk me. It all started seven months ago, the last time I was in the hospital. "

Did you say time machine?

"Yes."

Time Machine technology does not exist. And since you mention it, how do you feel?

"Great."

Do you feel safe?

"Yes."

Would you like to go to the hospital?

"No. I am fine." 

Are you sure?

 

 

The Mage

 

You may be a magician, the smartest man on earth, and celestial being dwelling on the astral plane, but your repeated expressed angry intent to use "lethal force" on anyone who hazes or cast spells against you forces me to place a hold on you and sending you to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. 

 

 

 

Ray's Off Fourth

 

 

Ray is raging again. He is the perfect storm of meth and mental illness. As we roll up, he runs up to Heartbreak and Shotte, screaming, "Who called you? I'm going to fight you."

As he points at their car, he stays, "I know you and I know you!. That is one and two!"

He sees my prowler and charges, and then stops as he sees me. 

He yells, "I like you!"

Ray yells to the spectators, "These cops are my friends. One, Two, Three! They will protect me."

Ray you got to go home.

Shotte and Heartbreaker endorse the idea and more.

It takes a minute for Ray to find his keys and gather his shoes, but he leaves and causes no more disturbances downtown for the night. 

 

 

 

 

Rule #65

 

If a man in crisis is naked and sitting in a smeared patty of his own shit, there is a greater incentive to de-escalate. 

 

 

By June

 

On 11th, I’m taking to Joe. His back is question mark. Shirtless, I can see a noose tattooed around his neck. Ever other inch on his arms is a scarred, dime sized pit: an abscess long healed. He has two unhealed on his left arm. Joe is skeletal thin. A scrum would break his arm. Unmedicated, he is in a spiraling mental health crisis. The world is his delusion. His meth addiction exacerbates his antics exponentially.

I put him on a hold tonight.

Today, he’s already been booked and release on a VRO. Jail recog’d him without bail. The hospital might keep him a few hours longer. Due to his behavior, he’s being evicted from his housing. By June, he’ll be another transient screaming on the street.

 

 

How Not to Improve Morale

 

Since a woman, in the peak of a mental health crisis, accused Snake Charmer and I of ripping off her arms by rubbing our crotches against her, the department has internally initiated an Internal Affairs investigation despite the absurdity of the allegation.