I'm sitting here with my coffee on this Saturday morning
looking around at my messy, cluttered house, and
thinking about chores, and all of the things I should do.
The morning started off garishly bright, but now the clouds
are moving in. It should rain most of today, they say.
This is fine. It's fall. It should rain, but we still haven't
pulled in the air conditioner. It is another thing to be done.
The motivation to clean house, the theory that doing so
will bring a sense of purpose fulfilled, is just not being
kindled in the low reserves of energy left from the week.
These weeks are long. Fridays are finish lines; Mondays
begin with the crack of a starters pistol. Weekends
should be a time to refill the fuel tank and to refit
ourselves, but to be honest, I've lost track of what fuel
would suit best. I'm not sure how to recharge, and what
would make that next set of hurdles easier to gauge.
We continue on as we have, with the knowledge that
things will continue to get better. Big E has finished his
physical therapy, and his knee continues to rebuild its
former strength. Sweet G is finding her stride back
at school. This new step forward is good, and her
latest blood work showed continued improvement,
but we aren't done. Now that the intensive, frantic
work has passed, we can step back and gaze at where
we are.. and that is hard. We are three months since
diagnosis and hospitalization. Those were three horrifying,
intense months, and there's been amazing, transformative
improvement and growth. She's so much stronger
and healthier now, but we aren't done. Now that we
can stand up and look around, at the big time line,
we are a quarter of the way into our journey.
We are explorers who have made it over the dangerous,
uncharted wilds of a coastal mountain range, to find
forests, marshes, plains, and canyons yet to be traversed.
Theoretically it should be easier going, but we'd
all really rather be home now, with a cuppa and a fire
at our feet. This is the part of the road trip where
the youngest starts chanting, "Are we there yet?!"
And we aren't. We aren't there. We are so much better
than we were, but aren't there. We aren't as tired,
but we are still tired. We aren't working as hard,
but we are still working at things that should not take
work. And the house still needs to be cleaned, even if
that doesn't provide respite.