I've been playing with the Way Back Machine lately, and turning things over in my mind. When I was preparing for my March trip to Boston, I contacted a friend I hadn't talked to in about 10 years. It was a scary e-mail to send off.. One of the things I obsess about is how things change when you're not around. Friendships take time, and if you haven't been doing your part.. well do they go off? Become rancid? Somehow, I don't trust people to just wait in the wings.. what if they've changed their minds about me? What if they've finally realized that I'm just not worth their time? What if aliens have come down to.. wait a minute.. never mind. Rational.. maybe, maybe not. But my time in Boston seeing long lost friends emboldened me, and now I've contacted other friends. Some are from high school, others from summer camp, and one from grade school. It feels like a brave things to me, or at least it feels like one of those things I'd encourage someone else to do, while running the other way myself. If I wanted to be in vogue, I would say this has been my "one thing that scares me" which I should do each day.
This brings to mind another thought from my mulling today... As a mother, I find myself doing things that frighten me precisely because I want my daughters to see that it can be done. Things like calmly pulling a bee out of someone's hair with your bare hand. Standing there portraying calm as you feel the buzz of the bee in your hand, because it must be done. Demonstrating that the little bee will not sting you, if you are calm and gentle. I did that twice today. I don't recommend the experience, but the thrumming wings do tickle your hand, and there is a sweetness as you watch the bee fly off and realize neither of you were stung.