Raindogblue

Never Is

 

 

I'm searching a tweaker

on the side of the highway. 

 

His mouth is a ring of sores. 

 

Are you using crank?

 

"No!"

 

Any needles on you?

 

"No."

 

You sure? No rigs?

I don't want to get stuck.

He insists he has none. 

I can feel one in a bag. 

 

What about this?

I pull out the capped needle,

show him. 

"That not mine"

It never is. 

 

Surprise

 

It's my wife's birthday.

I took the day off.

It's a surprise.

 

 

55, not 50

 

Per the Chief, at roll call,

the department will lose

fifty-five positions

through attrition,

not fifity.

 

Fail

 

 

Tonight, a drunk driver

ended his alphabet

in t-u-s, i-n-g. 

He failed his FSTs. 

 

 

 

Looking for Proof

 

Per a criminalist, the pond has 2500 burglaries.

The criminalists find good prints at 130 of them.

DNA is found at only 30. 

 

High

 

Grumpy and I were dispatched to a disturbance

at the no-tell motel off the state highway.

 

A woman told the call-taker she'd been jumped

by shape-shifting gangsters with military hardware.

 

At her room, I asked her if this was true?

 

She said, "Yes,

they're into image mutation

and black arts and the KKK.

 

She said she's trying

to ween herself off crank. 

 

It's not working.

 

 

 

It's Still Black and White

 

Last night, in the South Village, Grumpy and Casbah were dispatched to a welfare check on ping from an incomplete, 911, cell phone call.

On scene, Grumpy walked down a dark the driveway and introduced himself to a white haired woman painting in a studio in her garage.

"Evening Ma'am. It's the police. We got a call from this address. We're here to check if everything's alright."

The woman said, "Are you really the police?"

Grumpy illuminated his uniform and badge with his flashlight and said, "Yes, Ma'am."

She said, "Can I see some ID?" 

 

When, Casbah walked around the corner, she said, "Oh. Nevermind."

 

 

 

Snowballs

 

Last night, after a rare accumulation of snow,

the sergeant told dispatch we would not be responding

to reports of people throwing snowballs . 

 

 

Good News: Vomit

 

Today, at a burg,

I found the suspect's

vomit on the victim's jacket.

It was good news.

The break-in has a chance

of being solved

by the victim's DNA.

 

 

Off

 

My wife's sick. 

I took the night off

to take care of her.